Understanding the “Event-Reaction-Consequence” cycle

And how it can bring your prose to the next level

What do you think of this scene snippet?

The zombie lunged at Alice with arms outstretched and gnashing teeth aimed at her neck. She let out an involuntary gasp as every muscle in her body pulled taught with adrenaline. The fingers of her right hand turned white as they twisted around the hammer’s handle like a boa constrictor.

Bony fingers were mere inches from her throat when the weapon collided with the zombie’s peeling temple in a sickeningly crunchy squelch. Alice grunted as a sharp jolt travelled up her arm and nearly wrenched her shoulder from its socket. The skeletal attacker clattered to the floor like a stringless marionette.

She stared breathlessly at the corpse mewling softly in a puddle of brown bile and blood. A wave of nausea rippled through her body, contracting her vision and flooding her mouth with saliva. She swayed for a moment before doubling over and unloading her breakfast over the zombie’s motionless legs.

Do you like it? Is it well-written? Is it exciting, engaging, or thrilling?

It could definitely read a bit smoother, with more variation in sentence count and length, better description, and more subtle metaphors, but it’s a good start. A good second…